All I Want
by Jamie Lane
Summary: Clark's leaving to complete his training with JorEl. How does this affect Lois?


All I Want

There are miracles hidden behind the eyes of the ones who struggle, those who are torn, those who have lost. The green and the hazel mix in the twilight hours as the heart beats become one.

The ice contains him, holding his secrets and destiny within. He hates the walls, the burdens and the lies. He can't break them. He can't force his way out. There's no light in here.

She looks into the mirror and smoothes back the loose ponytail. She didn't have the patience to fix it any better. Not anymore. She shakes away another tear. "I can't believe he's leaving." Her eyes shifted down to her shirt. She toyed with the buttons, and loved the softness as the fabric raked across her skin. The red was a perfect color. She smiled the only smile she ever had with him.

He slowly put away the last of the pictures, the last of the clothes, the last of the memories. His life only a distant memory of the day he found him truth that he had covered in all the lies. He couldn't count them all and for that he was ashamed. He looked in the closet one last time and smiled as he realized something was missing. He picked up his jacket and ran. The only thing he wanted to do for her.

She heard the footsteps and didn't move, her eyes plastered to the door, her heart sinking with every step. She closed her eyes, the knock. 2 wraps, 2 pounds. It was him. She knew it. The doorknob turned and she was frozen. The shirt pulled tightly around her, her comfort leaving.

The green met the hazel. The scent intertwined. His smile was wary and hers never appeared.

"Hi." He whispered as he shut the door.

She closed her eyes tightly as she began to shake. "Smallville what do you want?" She turned and started towards her bedroom, to afraid to meet those eyes again.

He grabbed her arm and she stopped, he was too afraid to speak. Too afraid the wrong words would come out. She couldn't even face him. "Lois I never wanted to leave. I don't have a choice."

She jerked her arm away and held her tears in tight. "Have a nice life Clark. You know the way out." She continued her beeline towards her bed where she could regret anything and everything but still be strong.

He stood there, his body gave him no choice. His heart wanted more than anything to stay. He never wanted to hurt her. She's hurting enough already. "Lois, please. Please don't do this to me." Barely a whisper, barely coherent words.

She heard it. "Don't do what to you Clark? You're doing this to all of us, your mom, and Chloe." She turned and faced him. "Me." She stepped forward once. "Who do you think you are? You can't just up and leave your mom like this, she still needs your help to keep the farm going. She still needs you to be there for her because in case you haven't noticed your dad is dead Clark. She needs her family, you're all she has!" One more step. "You're a sorry person you know that?"

His heart seared at the words, his eyes searched hers. No strength, no comfort. "I don't want to go Lois."

"The problem is Clark you already are!" A twin tears cascaded down her face, each mirror her hurt, each reflecting her pain. "And no one knows where you are going! No one will be able to find you if something happens!"

He grabbed the doorknob and turned it. He already knew the consequences, but he also knew what would happen if he didn't leave. He couldn't make her understand.

"You're not even a man!" She shouted coldly forcing him to stop in his tracks. "All you do is run away from your problems! If you just stopped and faced them ever once in a while maybe you wouldn't be so alone. Maybe you could find some peace and happiness. BUT NO! You continue to run like a coward!" She grabbed his arm this time. "FACE ME YOU COWARD!"

He turned slowly and looked into the rage inside the hazel, his fear cranked up a notch. "I'm not running away."

"You are. And if you're not then you would be able to tell everyone where you're going."

"I don't know where I'm going."

"What?"

"I have no idea where he's taking me." He watched her eyes, the anger fallen as the worry risen. He turned his head, he couldn't witness another heart break when he could hear his own slowly crack.

"He? Who's he?"

He tried to pull away but her grip held tight and she drug along with him. "Who's he Clark?"

"I can't Lois."

She dropped his arm, hurt and ashamed of him. She turned on her heel and walked back into the apartment and grabbed the door. "Coward." She pulled the door behind her and slammed it shut. Her back pushed against it, she let out a lone cry. Her legs gave out from under her and she fell to the floor, curling up into a ball, she cried into her knees.

He watched the x-ray silently. Stepped forward and sat down. He pressed his hand against the door and rubbed her face, her back, her legs. His forehead pressed against the door, he took a deep breath and let his heart pour from his soul.

"Find me here

And speak to me

I want to feel you

I need to hear you

You are the light

That's leading me

To the place

Where I find peace again

You are the strength

That keeps me walking

You are the hope

That keeps me trusting

You are the life

To my soul

You are my purpose

You're everything"

He sniffed back another tear, it was no use. His face was flooded as was hers. He closed his eyes and he heard the doorknob click. He leaned back only a little, only enough to see her again.

She listened to his voice, it was shaking but absolutely beautiful. She never wanted him to stop, she never wanted him to leave. She needed him. She opened to door and looked at him: his face red as the blood that pumped through his veins. His eyes puffy and wet, his body shaking and heaving as he tried to calm down. She reached out her hand and he took it, they both stood and were pulled into each others arms.

"I don't want to leave Lois. I don't have any choice." He said against her hair.

She pulled back her face and spoke to him. "Why?"

"A lot of people I care about could get hurt. I can't let that happen again. I just can't let someone else die."

She studied him, it was the truth. She pulled him to sit down on the couch. "I guess this is good-bye then."

He shook his head. "Don't say that Lois. We'll see each other again. I hope."

"How long will you be gone?"

He looked out the window. "I don't know."

"You going to stay in contact with your mom?"

He looked in her eyes. "Of course. And I'm going to stay in contact with you too." He smiled and looked down at their hands, still clung together for dear life. Her eyes followed his.

"You know the last time we held hands, we pulled away." She ran her fingers over his knuckles. "But I guess things change huh Smallville?" She smiled.

He looked back into her eyes, questioning the depths of her soul. Love. His traced her lips with is eyes as she did the same with his. She stood in the moment. "Not all things." She punched him in the shoulder and pulled him towards her bedroom door.

He chuckled a little and followed her. "You know I came here for a reason."

"Oh? And what would that be?"

"I seem to be missing one of my plaid shirts. You seen it any where?"

She turned and smiled. She let go of his hand and pulled the shirt over her head. She smiled as his eyes bulged at the sight of her in her underwear. See-through lace. He swallowed hard and she threw the shirt in his face. "You've already saw everything Smallville, so kept it in your pants."

He turned red. "Um. Heehee. I um...I should um..go."

"Smallville I pulled you in here for a reason. Other than stripping." She pulled a box out from behind her and put it in his hand, seemingly oblivious to her half-nakedness.

He starred at it for a second then opened it. He smiled at the necklace inside. He opened the locket and found a picture of him and a picture of her side by side. On the back it read: "To Smallville, I'll be waiting. Luv, Lois." He glanced into her eyes and she blushed.

She bent up and kissed him on the lips. It was slow, it was loving and caring. Everything he had wanted the first to be. "You're everything to me Clark Joesph. Never change." She guided him back to the door and let him out. He turned back to her. "Come home soon, there's always a place for you up here." He started to turn when he heard her whisper. "In my heart."


End file.
